I said I wouldn't blog this...

but for some reason, I think babies in hospital gowns are just beyond cute.  Ryan had his circ last week and all went according to plan.  He was obviously not stable enough as a newborn to handle the procedure and as a 1 year old it is a little more complicated (not sure why), so we thought seriously about forgoing the whole ordeal, but in the end decided it was the right thing to do for Ryan.  The procedure was done at CMH downtown, but really in no way resembled what we went through last year.  We waited in the actual surgery waiting room, not the Ronald McDonald Family room where we waited last year.  There was a family next to us whose baby girl was having open heart surgery.  I almost said something, but I didn’t, not sure if I could be of any help since every case is so different.  I did think of them when we were home by lunch and they I am sure were still sitting in that crazy busy room.  We were able to use the family room last year because of the length of his procedure and the fact that it was just Jason and I.  Lot’s of people offered to watch the boys so Mom and Andy could be with us, but I felt strongly that Jason was the only person I could bear to spend the day with.  There is a line in my one of my favorite songs that says “it’s ok when there’s nothing left to say to me” and I think Jason is the only person who understands that about me, as much as I love my family.  Wow, did not plan on taking that trip down memory lane.  The separation was obviously harder this time as we could still hear him screaming as we got on the elevator, but time went quickly and before I knew it we were right back upstairs, watching them roll him to recovery, casually holding a bottle of juice with one hand.  He immediately stood up when he say us, and we couldn’t coax him to ride the mere 10 feet to our curtain area.  We were only there a short time before heading home.  Not long after returning home, Jason and the big boys left for a few days fishing in Bennett, leaving me to enjoy some blissful one on one time with Ryan.  We read books and played and went for wagon rides, we ate healthy foods and slept when we felt like sleeping.  I even watched a movie while he was sleeping in my arms.  I missed the older boys, but enjoyed ever second with my baby who isn’t much of a baby anymore.  It made me a little sad that I don’t take care of him like that all of the time.  It helps that he was delighted to have his brothers back home.  I would like to write about the fishing trip, but can’t get much out of any of them.  Oh well.  In other news around here, Ryan is signing and talking a little more, his latest sign is dog (panting) and it could not be more adorable.  Maybe I have already written about this, but tonight, I had him in the back yard and we looked at the neighbors yard.at their dog and then made our way to the rock pile.  When Jason came out some time later, he pointed towards the yard and made the dog sign, as if to say, hey, there’s a dog over there.  He still generalizes a little and makes the dog sign to describe, cats, bunnies, basically anything with fur.  He also signs cheese and all done  with a high degree of accuracy.  The pic of the boys is of our new tie die shirts and I just thought the pj outfits we very photo worthy.

 

This week, I have not realized that summer is almost over and the pile of worksheets Kyle’s teacher sent home to “encourage life long learning” is basically still sitting in the folder in the top drawer of his desk with only maybe two complete.  We have of course made time every day for “lifetime learning” and always done this before tv or Wii time.

The Brave One

I could probably take a 100 pictures of odd places Grant has fallen asleep. Nearly every night, he creeps out of his bedroom and into my office, sometimes with a blanket and pillow, sometimes with a small toy, but always with those big puppy dog eyes. When I look over my shoulder, he says "I'm not bothering you, Mom", which breaks my heart a little, so I let him stay and sometimes sit in my chair with me. I know the correct parenting move is to silently walk him back to his room, but I know it won't be long when just being in the same room as me won't be all he needs to make him happy. I called this post the brave one because I was thinking about how he conquered his fear of fireworks during the 4th of July celebrations this year. Last year, fireworks were met with many tears and screams, but I chalked it up to us having been at the hospital and separated for so long, so I was a little surprised this year when the snap pops triggered a mini-melt down. This in sharp contrast to Ryan whose utter indifference made me question his hearing ability. We spent the 4th at my mom's, him, Lilly, Ryan and me inside with the gang from Noggin, but the next day, at my dad's, he decided for some unbeknown reason, that he was staying outside, no matter what. He would cover his ears and sometimes let out and small scream, more annoyed sounding then scared, but he did it, even coming to terms with the dreaded super snap pops.

So why are you taking a picture...

of our butts! I think that is what I will always remember when I look at this picture. We actually took these at the end of last month, I have just been on somewhat of a hiatus from blogging. Ryan had taken a late nap and was in a good mood, so we decided to try to take 1 year pictures of him and his brothers at Lowenstein. Of course, his mood quickly went south when we got to the park with the camera, but we did manage to get a couple of good shots and enjoy some ice cream afterwards (bribing with ice cream was integral in getting the older ones to cooperate). The pictures were a precursor to the main reason behind my lack of blogging, finishing Ryan's baby book. I had a coupon for a free photobook that was about to expire, so I shifted into high gear to transform all of my random notes, thoughts and pictures into a photo book of his first year. It was alot of work, but I am soo proud of how it turned out. Hopefully he will enjoy looking at it one day. I have looked at it almost every day since I got it and I am still not tired of gazing at his sweet little face. Throughout this year, I actually imagined that I would blog a lot during this time, all of the one year agos. For instance, one year ago we were readmitted to CMH for respiratory distress. This was probably the darkest time of the entire ordeal, worse then surgery because Ryan seemed to be getting worse and not better and no one could really tell us why or seem to do anything to help. Towards the end of the week, Linda, one of the cardiology nurse practitioners suggested an NG feeding tube. I was crushed at first, I guess it seemed like he was even sicker, but it turned out to be our saving grace. It let him get the calories he needed without getting so tired and let me rest instead of constantly working to either pump milk or get him to drink it. I am still planning to go back and reread some of my posts and add some reflections before I turn this blog into a book, I am just need a little time to recover after the baby book. Appropriately enough now that I have completed his baby book, Ryan is acting less and less like a baby. He seems to be channeling a little cave man, lots of pointing and grunting with the occasional baby sign thrown in for good measure (cheese is his favorite sign, he makes it almost every time we open the fridge). He loves to play rough with the boys, his favorite pool game is pushing Kyle under the water. I guess I should say the only aspect of the pool he even remotely tolerates, as his is still not a big fan of the water. He is like a little cat, trying to climb as far up onto my shoulder as he can or burying his face in my chest. Hopefully this will change with time, Kyle and Grant could spend all day every day at the pool. Kyle started swim lessons and is doing awesome. This is the third year, but the first two were at different places and we have finally found a good fit. Grant gets so upset that he can't go to lessons with Kyle and I feel so bad. Last Thursday, I even agreed to set up the big inflatable slip and slide for him to play on after Kyle left and he did have a great time, it made it worth lugging the thing out, then waiting for it to dry and putting it back up. Some of the neighbors and out good friends that take Kyle to lessons ended up playing, so it was a nice little mid week fun surprise. It was good to have that in the bank, because the weekend turned out to be not much fun, with cleaning and errands and all the stuff that just has to get done sometimes.

Not Me's (lot's to catch up on): It was not 3:30 pm when I changed out of my pajamas Tuesday. Had that have happened, I would not have been changing at that point only because I had to take Kyle to swimming lessons. My 3 year old has not suddenly decided it is ok to pee anywhere, anytime and the same 3 year old did not a get a time out from the 16 year old lifeguard for running at the pool. That would have made me feel like a complete misfit of a mom, abgrigating my paretal resposibility to a teenager like that. I did not put the proceeds from my garage sale in the bank and then proceed to spend 2x that amount on a new computer. Had I have done that, I would not have let the fancy new computer set in my room for nearly 2 weeks before setting it up and by now I would have completly migrated everything from the old to new computer. Just like I would not have just now finished painting the puppet theatre that I commissioned my father in law to make at Christmas! Likewise the shelves I asked for would be painted and hung and being used.