Surviving Our First Cold

Well, we have survived our first cold of the season. I of course ran straight to the doctor's office with Ryan, even though his congestion was mild and his fever barely cracked 100. The medical student this time asked if he had any "medical history". I said that yes, he had open heart surgery and pointed to his chart and said "that would be a very thick chart for a normal 7 month old". I will kind of miss the over eager medical students when we switch to the new practice. I was hoping that would be this month (my insurance only lets you switch at the first of the calendar month), but Ryan did have the start of an ear infection and Dr. M started him on an antibiotic and needs to check him in 2 weeks, which is Feb 2. I don't want to switch in the middle of this, so I will wait until next month, I guess. Ugh. By mid week, we all felt better except for a lingering sinus headache for me. I vowed to stay in and away from germs so we didn't get into a cycle of never ending sickness, but got a little stir crazy today and took the older boys to church and to lunch at our favorite restaurant (Target). I was glad we went to church because a new batch of confirmation kids were going through some type of blessing and I realized that they were the kids I had taught as second graders when I made my first and last attempt at teaching CFP. This made me feel beyond old, I remember these kids as kids, not much bigger then Kyle, yet here they were, teenage boys with long hair and girls with makeup and these ridiculous looking boots. Kyle asked what they were doing and I told him that they were choosing for themselves to be a part of our church and that when he was as old as they were, that he would be able to do the same, that Mom and Dad would no longer force him to go to the church we had chosen, he would be free to choose his own or none at all. To my surprise, he said that he thought he would choose to still go to church. I was shocked. I am writing this down because I am sure I won't believe it later. Grant I am sure would not say the same thing at thing point, he repeats incessantly that he is not going to church (nope way, I am not going to church, just drop me off at Target). I asked him if he wanted to do peace with Kyle and he shouted "I don't like peace". You're telling me. Tomorrow, I am looking forward to attending a meeting of CHD Families, a support group for families touched by congenital heart defects. The speaker is a doctor doing CHD research at Children's Mercy and I think it will be really interesting. I have read that he is doing work in tissue engineering to develop a procedure that would enable the use of a patient's own cells to fashion a new, bioengineered heart valve. Because the valve would be comprised of living tissue derived from the child's own cells, it would grow and repair itself, and the child's immune system would accept the material as its own. This is exciting. I worry about Ryan's valve function long term, so any progress is great news. CHD Families is the group that gave us a care package while we were in the hospital with Ryan. It included a blanket that turned out to have been made by a family from our church. I volunteered to make blankets as well and even bought the material, but with Jason working so much, I just haven't gotten downstairs to sew, maybe this week.

The picture is just a cute one of Kyle an Ryan. I am still amazed by Kyle's interest in and love for Ryan. I worry that I don't have enough to give all 3, but seeing them makes me realize that while I may not have as much to give to 3 as I would for 2, they also have each other.

A couple of things that didn't happen in my family this week: No one referred to the breakfast we ate this morning as "dog poop" sausage, especially not my 3 year old. We also did not forget to give the baby his antibiotic dose on the 2nd of 10 days. That would we really irresponsible.

Little Man on the Move

Ryan has master the inch work crawl. As you can see, he gets up onto all 4's, then lunges forward. He will patiently repeat until he reaches the desired destination, especially when that destination is as appealing as the remote control or a piece of paper. Yesterday, I think he was just crawling to crawl, so proud of himself! He is also eating a little better. I was feeding him bananas the other day and he actually threw a little fit when I stopped shoveling for a second to get his brother a drink. Now if I could just get him sleeping through the night again. He used to be so good but along the way he figured out if he wakes up and cries, Mom will come and get me and rock me and if I can just wait her out long enough, I can snuggle up with her and dad in their big bed and have a little snack. We let the older boys cry a little, but with Ryan, I just can't. I still think about all of the time I couldn't hold him and I just fold. I met with a new pediatrician on Monday and I really liked her. She asked me more questions about Ryan and gave me more reassurance in the 5 minute conversation I had with her then our previous doctor has in the past 7 months. After she sees his 3 inch thick chart, she may not be so anxious to have us as new patients. I requested a copy of his medical records (just the pertinent info that you can get for free) and it filled a 1.5 inch 3 ring binder. It is really interesting, I learned that he was on bypass for 2 hours 25 minutes and that his aorta was cross clamped for 51 minutes. I had read that they like to keep bypass time under 3 hours, but I am not sure where I read that, probably another blog. There are a couple of things on his last echo report that I would like to talk to someone about. It noted "trace aortic valve insufficiency" and "physiological pulmonary valve insuffiency" and some turbulent flow in his right PA. They are probably the type of things that are normal post repair of TGA and that no one can tell if they will remain stable or cause problems, but I would just like to know a little more, it is probably no worse then I am imagining, given the optimist that I am. I think we have finally settled up with CMH, 7 months later. They were very patient about waiting for the insurance to pay, I called a couple of time, nervous about getting 180K+ bills that show no sign of payment and they always just said it will take time to go through insurance. I am just thankful it all happened with a minimum of trouble, we are very lucky. I will never forget getting the first bill that was semi-itemized. 12 days in ICN = 80K, 5 days in PICU=40K, total pharmacy=19K, operating room=52K. The scary thing is that these are just hospital charges, physician service are billed separatly. Yikes! Some kiddos are down there much longer.

The other boys are fine, Kyle just got his 2Q report card and it was perfect. His teacher wrote in the notes section that "Kyle is becoming a great leader and is a role model to his peers. He is always eager to get to work and puts forth great effort". She is not know it sugar coat things, so I was of course quite proud. When I told him that, he said "your welcomed". I just left it at that. Grant is still Grant, responding "Oh, no, no, no" to every request or idea and dropping the occasional "dammit" when frustrated. We went to a music class on Wednesday and he said "I don't know about all this stuff, Mom", but he eventually warmed up and had a great time with cousin Lilly.

Grant Matthew in the Middle

When I read this in 30 years I probably won't remember that there was a TV show called Malcom in the Middle that I was trying to be funny with my post title. I wish I could post about something funny Grant has said our done, but the truth is I am a little worried about him. He has always done a great job entertaining himself and I wonder if I have taken advantage of that. Lately, it is like he is in his own little world and I have started trying to make sure I connect with him every day, which sounds so terrible, like what was I doing before, just acting as if I had a little roommate? Actually, I do remember one funny thing, at Christmas, my brother (who the boys don't often see) was wrestling with Kyle and Grant runs in, puts both hands on his face and says "Oh, No, what are we going to do about that guy?"

The other pic is from our annual (except last year when I was too busy laying on the couch being pregnant to host) New Year's party. My how things have changed since our first party 5 years ago. We had 9 kids under 9 in the basement and the baby upstairs. The kids did great playing downstairs and I think the adults enjoyed just hanging out upstairs. In years past, there was always a lot of running up and downstairs and "Ok, it's your turn to deal with the madness in the basement". Thinking back to last year, it is so weird to think all that time, Ryan's little haywired heart was beating away inside of me. During my first sono, the tech actually had a little trouble imaging the heart and asked the doctor to come in and take a look, during the time Ryan moved and she said, "Oh, there they are, everything is perfect", so a heart defect was the last thing I was worried about. At least I got to enjoy all of my last pregnancy (because it was so the last pregnancy) and we were fortunate to deliver in a great hospital where Ryan had all of the things he needed before being transferred.

I have seen other people do this on blogs and I thought it was a funny way to capture some more mommy moments:

Things I Didn't Do -

• I didn't force my husband to take a peanut butter sandwich and Dora yogurt in his lunch to work because of the insane amount of time that has past since I last went to the store.
• I didn't play a Baby Einstein dvd 2x in a row for Ryan. If I had done that, it would have only been to make cookies with the aforementioned middle child

Things I Am Grateful For -

• Random 60 degree days in January and friends that call and see if you want to meet up at the park. We went 2x yesterday, once in the morning with some of Grant's friends and once in the afternoon with a bunch of Kyle's. It was perfect, Ryan seemed to love it and we were there for 2 hours in the afternoon.
• The new stand mixer I bought for $25 at Target the day after Thanksgiving. Making cookies with the boys was much less stressful when I didn't need to worry about holding the mixer and making sure flour didn't wind up in the living room.
• Whole grain pop tarts

The Tooth Fairy Gets Busted

As is obvious by the title and picture, Kyle has lost his first tooth! This actually happened in November and he lost another earlier this evening. When the first one fell, I dug out the special tooth fairy pillow that I bought probably before he even had teeth and we did the pictures and the putting it by his pillow. The pillow came with special fairy dust (i.e. gold glitter) that you sprinkle around to provide evidence of the fairy's visit. He was very excited to wake up the next morning and find the dust, he actually came into my room and told me about that before he told me about the dollar. The fun didn't last. I put the dust back in the box and put it on my dresser and he found it, reportedly while trying to put the pillow away. I wasn't here, but apparently he was pretty miffed that "mom was the one that put out that fairly dust". The experience didn't stop him from asking for the pillow again tonight.

Other then going through the motions of the tooth fairy, we have been enjoying our time at home after the holidays. I have to say, my husband amazes me. Today he got up early with baby and fed him breakfast, installed piping for the radon mitigation system he designed (I guess I should see if it works before being to amazed, but I really have complete confidence), played baseball with Kyle, cooked dinner and cut Grant's hair. This almost makes up for the fact that he thinks Bass Pro is an acceptable place to shop for my Christmas present. I feel like such a slacker sometimes, after I stop making milk for Ryan, he probably won't have any use for me at all. Fortunately, I don't think that will be anytime soon, the boy still loves to nurse, although he is getting a little better about solid foods. We have thrown the strict "only introduce a new food every three days " rule out the window and have thrown peas, applesauce, garden vegetables, pears at him along with his favorite sweet potatoes and oatmeal and bananas which he could for sure live without. He isn't overly excited about any one thing, but he doesn't spit it out either. As Jason said, I will now need to search for something new to worry about.

So this is Christmas...

As for having a stress free holiday, I would give myself a C. I made an effort, but it didn't exactly work out. There were of course many bright spots:

• The boys and I put together a gingerbread house and I didn't make a single suggestion about which candy to use where (see proof in the pic, the gingerbread bears all had 3 eyes).
• Kyle made bracelets for me, his teacher, my mom and my sister. He did spend lots of time and really seemed to enjoy it. He also helped me with wrapping, picking out the paper, coloring the to/from tags, adding bows. This was a little hard, I love to wrap presents, I can get lost in the matching paper and bows and ribbons, I have been know to pick presents based on size so I have more wrapping options, but of course, having Kyle involved and so into the process is more important and I did save a couple to wrap all for myself. He was also very into the nativity set and moving Mary and Joseph close each day and into the stable last night, then finding Baby Jesus in the stable this morning. His other big holiday project was his new found passion, a magic show. He bought a book with his own money a few weeks ago. He gets frustrated with the fact that it's not as easy as it looks on tv and that you have to practice, but he has gotten a few tricks down and performed them for the family while Jason was finishing dinner. I think my sister was actually surprised on at least on instance.
• Ryan ate sweat potatoes with some degree of enthusiasm at dinner tonight. This was really the best present I could have hoped for, I have been so worried about his appetite and starting solids. Hopefully it will continue. We also took Ryan to church this morning for only the 2nd time (the first being his baptism). We have been taking turns to keep Ryan away from crowds, but Christmas morning is actually pretty sparse, so we decided it would be ok just this one time. We so seldom feel like a family of 5, I appreciate it when we get a chance. I am not overly religious, but I love going to church on Christmas morning, dressing the boys up, seeing the nativity, singing the songs and all 3 boys were so well behaved this year, Ryan actually fell asleep on Jason's shoulder.
• My sister and I went together and got mom Celine Dion tickets and she was so excited.
• Grant is so grumpy it is actually cute. The only thing he wanted was "Thomas going down the waterfall" which is basically a plastic train track with a motorized Thomas. Since we started the wooden set when Kyle was 2, it has grown quite large, so adding this plastic set made no sense from a practical standpoint, but he wanted it and it wasn't very expensive, so in it came from Santa's sleigh. He did love it, but refuses to let us put batteries in Thomas, so it is essentially the same as what we have. We ask to put in batteries, and he just says "No, Thomas is fine". His absolute favorite toy is the toy racetrack Santa brought for Ryan, he was so patient waiting for Ryan to wake up from his nap before opening.
• Jason gave me a new sewing machine to replace the one I have been borrowing from my Mom that is older then me. Now just to find the time for a new project.
• I had some time off. It seems December has been a busy month for me the last few years, and it was nice to be off this year. I took advantage and still used my daycare/Mom on Tuesday and was able to get the house clean (with Jason's help) and presents wrapped. This went a long way towards making things less stressful. I am still so tired though. I am hoping I read this someday when I am 60 and remember what is is like for my kids when their kids are small, not that my family doesn't help, they do and they are great, but I just want to make sure I remember why having help is so nice and offer it if I am able.
• I also used my time off last week to take the boys sledding while my mom was watching Ryan. It was the perfect day, snow, but no wind so it wasn't cold and we had fun, but their differences in personality were so apparent. Grant loved every second, sliding down the hill and saying "Can I do that again, mom?" and pulling his sled back up with no complaints. Kyle had fun to, but it was always like, maybe if we go down that hill or use this sled or stack the sleds on top of each other it will be even better. By the end I am yelling, "Just sled down the hill and have fun". Kind of defeats the purpose, but we did have fun.

As for the stress, I think it is just a feeling of guilt that the boys have so much. I think I just use the holidays as an excuse to buy things they semi-need (e.g character pjs, they may need pjs, but they don't need Thomas and Batman PJs) or things I want them to have like books and Leapster Games and stuff that is a "good deal" (e.g. half price moon sand). It all just adds up to too much, especially paired with the grandparent gifts and gifts we exchange with cousins. I know I need to cut back for their sake, but just can't seem to make myself. Maybe the rule next year will be shopping only with Jason.

Other then the overshopping on my part, we have so much to be thankful for this Christmas and we really did try to enjoy and make the most of it. Jason did cookes with the boys on Christmas Eve as always and we made our usual jokes about "this is not supposed to be fun, it is supposed to be efficient" when the boys just wanted to cut out cookies any which way. I can't believe Ryan will be walking and eating real food next year, he'll probably also refuse to sit in pictures or let me dress him up in a santa hat.

6 Month Check Up and Pictures

Ryan had his 6 month checkup this week and as you can tell by the pic, he was a very healthy 17 lbs 9 oz (50%) and was 27.5 inches long (85%). His lungs were clear despite a little congestion and his noisy breathing has almost completely resolved. As expected, the doctor was very unconcerned about my concern for his low appetite and complete rejection of any and all solid food. The medical student making rounds with him that day who appeared to me to be about 12 suggested I create a more positive atmosphere when introducing solids. Ok, thanks, I'm sure that's it. I don't even want them to "do" anything about his appetite, just humor me and say that it could be related to his surgery and like everything else, just needs time. Also, when I asked about getting a flu shot since he was officially 6 months old, he said he wasn't that concerned because the rest of us did get the shot and he was already getting 3 pokes. Ok, to a heart mom, 4 pokes is nothing and you were very concerned when we opted to follow our cardiologist's advice to forgo the RSV shots, but a $30 flu shot isn't "worth it"? Needless to say, a new ped is in our future, I have a couple of great recommendations from a friend whose baby has a "complicated" history as well. I am just so not the type to go around changing doctors and I really have no complaints about the care he has received. I believe his is a really good doctor, but this is obviously not working for me. Ugh.

Since Ryan's 6 month birthday fell during December, I didn't want to take him to a busy, germy portrait studio, so I tried to set up a little studio in my hallway, next to the front door for light, which I would have liked to have had a little more of. I was in the office taking pictures and the FedEx guy delivered a package and I'm sure he thought, "What is this naked baby doing setting by himself in the hallway". I had a little heater out so he didn't cold and he loves it when I get out the camera. He smiles so easily. He is probably like, hey, mom is actually looking at me and paying attention to me instead of just schlepping me around on her hip.

6 Months Old!

Ryan is 6 months old today and I didn't even take his picture.  I guess he is now officially a third child.  He has his 6 month check up next week and I am already dreading it.  I am just getting more and more worried about his appetite.  I remember how excited I was when he started cereal and seemed to really like it.  It turns out that was the first and last time he seemed to like it, now nothing makes him madder then when we set him in the high chair and have the nerve to try and spoon feed him anything.  I am not worried about his weight, I think it is fine, but only because he likes to nurse when he is tired and as much as I like nursing him now, that is not a long term option.  I just have the feeling that when I bring it up with his pediatrician, Dr. M, he will just blow it off and say he is gaining weight.  I should probably try to find a new doctor, the one I used to see left the practice and I don't dislike the 2 others but I just don't feel like I click with them, they never seem to understand my concerns or questions.  I don't really know what I would want them to do anyways.  We will see, maybe things will get better and I can find something new to worry about.