I said I wouldn't blog this...

but for some reason, I think babies in hospital gowns are just beyond cute.  Ryan had his circ last week and all went according to plan.  He was obviously not stable enough as a newborn to handle the procedure and as a 1 year old it is a little more complicated (not sure why), so we thought seriously about forgoing the whole ordeal, but in the end decided it was the right thing to do for Ryan.  The procedure was done at CMH downtown, but really in no way resembled what we went through last year.  We waited in the actual surgery waiting room, not the Ronald McDonald Family room where we waited last year.  There was a family next to us whose baby girl was having open heart surgery.  I almost said something, but I didn’t, not sure if I could be of any help since every case is so different.  I did think of them when we were home by lunch and they I am sure were still sitting in that crazy busy room.  We were able to use the family room last year because of the length of his procedure and the fact that it was just Jason and I.  Lot’s of people offered to watch the boys so Mom and Andy could be with us, but I felt strongly that Jason was the only person I could bear to spend the day with.  There is a line in my one of my favorite songs that says “it’s ok when there’s nothing left to say to me” and I think Jason is the only person who understands that about me, as much as I love my family.  Wow, did not plan on taking that trip down memory lane.  The separation was obviously harder this time as we could still hear him screaming as we got on the elevator, but time went quickly and before I knew it we were right back upstairs, watching them roll him to recovery, casually holding a bottle of juice with one hand.  He immediately stood up when he say us, and we couldn’t coax him to ride the mere 10 feet to our curtain area.  We were only there a short time before heading home.  Not long after returning home, Jason and the big boys left for a few days fishing in Bennett, leaving me to enjoy some blissful one on one time with Ryan.  We read books and played and went for wagon rides, we ate healthy foods and slept when we felt like sleeping.  I even watched a movie while he was sleeping in my arms.  I missed the older boys, but enjoyed ever second with my baby who isn’t much of a baby anymore.  It made me a little sad that I don’t take care of him like that all of the time.  It helps that he was delighted to have his brothers back home.  I would like to write about the fishing trip, but can’t get much out of any of them.  Oh well.  In other news around here, Ryan is signing and talking a little more, his latest sign is dog (panting) and it could not be more adorable.  Maybe I have already written about this, but tonight, I had him in the back yard and we looked at the neighbors yard.at their dog and then made our way to the rock pile.  When Jason came out some time later, he pointed towards the yard and made the dog sign, as if to say, hey, there’s a dog over there.  He still generalizes a little and makes the dog sign to describe, cats, bunnies, basically anything with fur.  He also signs cheese and all done  with a high degree of accuracy.  The pic of the boys is of our new tie die shirts and I just thought the pj outfits we very photo worthy.

 

This week, I have not realized that summer is almost over and the pile of worksheets Kyle’s teacher sent home to “encourage life long learning” is basically still sitting in the folder in the top drawer of his desk with only maybe two complete.  We have of course made time every day for “lifetime learning” and always done this before tv or Wii time.

The Brave One

I could probably take a 100 pictures of odd places Grant has fallen asleep. Nearly every night, he creeps out of his bedroom and into my office, sometimes with a blanket and pillow, sometimes with a small toy, but always with those big puppy dog eyes. When I look over my shoulder, he says "I'm not bothering you, Mom", which breaks my heart a little, so I let him stay and sometimes sit in my chair with me. I know the correct parenting move is to silently walk him back to his room, but I know it won't be long when just being in the same room as me won't be all he needs to make him happy. I called this post the brave one because I was thinking about how he conquered his fear of fireworks during the 4th of July celebrations this year. Last year, fireworks were met with many tears and screams, but I chalked it up to us having been at the hospital and separated for so long, so I was a little surprised this year when the snap pops triggered a mini-melt down. This in sharp contrast to Ryan whose utter indifference made me question his hearing ability. We spent the 4th at my mom's, him, Lilly, Ryan and me inside with the gang from Noggin, but the next day, at my dad's, he decided for some unbeknown reason, that he was staying outside, no matter what. He would cover his ears and sometimes let out and small scream, more annoyed sounding then scared, but he did it, even coming to terms with the dreaded super snap pops.

So why are you taking a picture...

of our butts! I think that is what I will always remember when I look at this picture. We actually took these at the end of last month, I have just been on somewhat of a hiatus from blogging. Ryan had taken a late nap and was in a good mood, so we decided to try to take 1 year pictures of him and his brothers at Lowenstein. Of course, his mood quickly went south when we got to the park with the camera, but we did manage to get a couple of good shots and enjoy some ice cream afterwards (bribing with ice cream was integral in getting the older ones to cooperate). The pictures were a precursor to the main reason behind my lack of blogging, finishing Ryan's baby book. I had a coupon for a free photobook that was about to expire, so I shifted into high gear to transform all of my random notes, thoughts and pictures into a photo book of his first year. It was alot of work, but I am soo proud of how it turned out. Hopefully he will enjoy looking at it one day. I have looked at it almost every day since I got it and I am still not tired of gazing at his sweet little face. Throughout this year, I actually imagined that I would blog a lot during this time, all of the one year agos. For instance, one year ago we were readmitted to CMH for respiratory distress. This was probably the darkest time of the entire ordeal, worse then surgery because Ryan seemed to be getting worse and not better and no one could really tell us why or seem to do anything to help. Towards the end of the week, Linda, one of the cardiology nurse practitioners suggested an NG feeding tube. I was crushed at first, I guess it seemed like he was even sicker, but it turned out to be our saving grace. It let him get the calories he needed without getting so tired and let me rest instead of constantly working to either pump milk or get him to drink it. I am still planning to go back and reread some of my posts and add some reflections before I turn this blog into a book, I am just need a little time to recover after the baby book. Appropriately enough now that I have completed his baby book, Ryan is acting less and less like a baby. He seems to be channeling a little cave man, lots of pointing and grunting with the occasional baby sign thrown in for good measure (cheese is his favorite sign, he makes it almost every time we open the fridge). He loves to play rough with the boys, his favorite pool game is pushing Kyle under the water. I guess I should say the only aspect of the pool he even remotely tolerates, as his is still not a big fan of the water. He is like a little cat, trying to climb as far up onto my shoulder as he can or burying his face in my chest. Hopefully this will change with time, Kyle and Grant could spend all day every day at the pool. Kyle started swim lessons and is doing awesome. This is the third year, but the first two were at different places and we have finally found a good fit. Grant gets so upset that he can't go to lessons with Kyle and I feel so bad. Last Thursday, I even agreed to set up the big inflatable slip and slide for him to play on after Kyle left and he did have a great time, it made it worth lugging the thing out, then waiting for it to dry and putting it back up. Some of the neighbors and out good friends that take Kyle to lessons ended up playing, so it was a nice little mid week fun surprise. It was good to have that in the bank, because the weekend turned out to be not much fun, with cleaning and errands and all the stuff that just has to get done sometimes.

Not Me's (lot's to catch up on): It was not 3:30 pm when I changed out of my pajamas Tuesday. Had that have happened, I would not have been changing at that point only because I had to take Kyle to swimming lessons. My 3 year old has not suddenly decided it is ok to pee anywhere, anytime and the same 3 year old did not a get a time out from the 16 year old lifeguard for running at the pool. That would have made me feel like a complete misfit of a mom, abgrigating my paretal resposibility to a teenager like that. I did not put the proceeds from my garage sale in the bank and then proceed to spend 2x that amount on a new computer. Had I have done that, I would not have let the fancy new computer set in my room for nearly 2 weeks before setting it up and by now I would have completly migrated everything from the old to new computer. Just like I would not have just now finished painting the puppet theatre that I commissioned my father in law to make at Christmas! Likewise the shelves I asked for would be painted and hung and being used.

Father's Day, Then and Now

To say, "what a difference a year makes" sounds very cliche, but doesn't really begin to cover it. Last year on Father's Day, Ryan was obviously still in the NICU awaiting surgery. I went to the hospital early so I would be there for rounds and during shift change walked all the way to the from lobby so that I could get reception on my cell phone to call home. Kyle and I had actually shopped for presents before Ryan was born, so it was just a matter of wrapping and locating on that morning. I can still remember hearing the excitement in Kyle's voice over the phone, such a lover of all things having to do with presents. Like any other day is was a logistical challenge of who was staying and going and taking care of the boys and driving this car or that and so on. Kyle had t-ball, so my dad and step mom drove up to take him and Grant to the game so that Jason could come to the hospital. The plan was for them to go to the game, then bring the boys to the hospital to meet Ryan for the first time. The only hitch was when they couldn't figure out how to get back into our house after the game, being country dwellers, they were not to used to having a garage door opener. The first meeting between the boys and Ryan was brief, but sweet, Grant was impressed by all of "Baby Ryan's friends" and afterwards we had a memorable Father's Day dinner in the CMH cafeteria. It was nice to be together this year, the boys and I made a garden stone with their picture and Kyle was intent on getting him a "two sided" hammer (i.e sledge hammer) from Home Depot, but begrudgingly accepted one bought from Lowe's. Kyle decorated the wrapping paper and his card with the number 6, to mark Jason's 6th year of fatherhood.

Ryan is moving quickly into toddler hood. Doesn't the look on his face just say "I am so done with that high chair, Mom". He climbed up into Grant's booster after dinner the other day and was oh so proud of himself. If I don't catch him in time to do the safety belt, he has also been known to climb straight up and onto the middle of the table to reach the ultimate prize, the salt and pepper shakers. And to think I thought I had seen it all with the first two. With everything else going on, I don't think I have posted about how much and how well he is walking. Probably for the last month he has been walking more then crawling and at this point, he seldom crawls. I have taken about a million video clips because it is just to cute for words, to see him walk from place to place and room to room.

In other news, Kyle caught and "air ball" (also known as a fly ball) at his game on Saturday and also hit two triples. He has two games this week and his last is next Saturday. I will really miss it, I love watching him play.

Party Time

Not much to report on the small first birthday bash held for Ryan on Sunday.  Just your basic family dinner followed by cake.  Kyle and I did get a little creative, making the star shaped ice cream cake and using the mold to cut the brownie into a star as well.  This all inspired the all-star 1st birthday theme.  I love picking out decorations for their parties, being creative, mixing and matching to find the best deal,  including the balloons, I spent around 12 dollars.  Kyle helped me make the star confetti as well.  I know to soon they will be rolling their eyes and asking if we could just put some cash in an envelope and be done with it already so they can go hang out with their friends.  There is the typical picture of Ryan playing on the box as the toy car from Grandma and Pop languishes in the back ground, but as you can see from the other pic, once assembled it was a hit.  I am not a big fan of power wheels for babies, but this one is actually well designed, he can get in and out easily and you can control addeleration and steering with the detachable handle.  The best part of this being that Kyle and Grant can also operate the handle, freeing up Jason and I to do important stuff like sitting on the couch.  The picture of Grant was just to cute, I love this outfit on him.  I bought it even though it wasn't on sale, a rare event for me, and thought I would have to bribe him to wear it, but to my surprise, he cooperated and even went around telling everyone, "look at my new pants".

Birthday, Barnyard, Big Truck, Baseball and Basement Cleaning

Alliteration. I can be such a MckMamma wanna be. The birthday is of course in reference to Ryan's big first birthday. What an amazing year, I've been busy and haven't slipped into the "this time last years too much", but I'm sure it is coming in the days to come. At this point, day 3, we were still in shock, trying to figure out what to do. When do we stay, when do we care for our older boys, when do the doctors round, when will they do the surgery, who are all of these people and what do they expect out of us? The list was endless and exhausting. I don't think I even started blogging until Sunday, Day 5 I think. I am planning to reread and add some reflections to my ordinal posts. One of my many projects in the works is using one of the blog to book services to print out those entries, so that Ryan can someday read about what happened during those first few months and the year that lead to Thursday, his amazing first birthday. I took Kyle and Grant to the farmstead for their very first visit on their exact first birthdays and was glad to make it a threepeat with Ryan. We had a wonderful day and I think Ryan enjoyed our short trip. Kyle is getting a little old for the farmstead, so after lunch, we were so fortunate as to happen by a Firestone grand opening that included and appearance by monster truck Big Foot. Not only did we get to see Big Foot up close and personal, but we showed up right as he was getting read to crush two old pickups, we didn't even have to wait. As he started the engine, I grabbed Ryan and ran inside thinking Grant would be ok. This proved to be wishful thinking and Mom had to carry my poor frightened little boy inside to me, I felt terrible, but he was soon feeling much better with the aid of a goody bag and piece of cake and the opportunity to watch from the window. The 3rd B for baseball has no photo documentation, but it did mark the first time all 5 of us have attended one of Kyle's games. I remember thinking last year while I was pregnant that maybe I would be pregnant at one game and then bring the baby to the next. It ended up taking a year for that to happen and I don't know if it was worth the wait as Ryan did not seem to be a fan of baseball, preferring instead to practice walking on the cement and climbing on the bleachers. I had wanted to go out to eat afterwards as we sometimes do on birthdays, but by the end of the game I just wanted to get him home where he could move unabated, that we settled on KFC drive through. This actually left us all in a better mood for present opening. Kyle and Grant had spent a good deal of time designing wrapping paper, making cards and making sure his presents were just so and they were both excited for their brothers big day. We are planning a small party tomorrow with just grand and god parents, then a big party in late July to celebrate one year home. The final B also has no associated photos for good reason as it stands for basement cleaning in preparation for our first big garage sale. The cleaning out the basement actually took place over Memorial day weekend and I really can't overstate how big of a job it was and how good it feels to have the basement back and free of all of the junk we have accumulated over the years. I enjoyed parts of the sale, like seeing little kids excited to get new toys, a grandma picking out clothes for her first grand baby and a young Hispanic family buying my old vacuum and several things for their baby on the way. Kyle also got into the sale, demoing his old toys in hopes of making a big sale. When Jason got home, his exact words were, "Dad, I made 17 dollars and I even got to talk to a Spanish guy. I think he meant Spanish speaking, but he was excited.

I did not take all three boys garage saleling today, the middle one wearing mismatched shows on the wrong feet. I also did not buy an Indiana Jones movie rated PG-13 for my 6 year old. 6 is not even 1/2 of 13 and I am a much better parent then that. If I had done that, I would have watched with him, not gone to the store for birthday cake making supplies. I am not up past midnight blogging when I still need to mop the floor and get ready to teach Children's LOTW tomorrow at church. I also did not give my baby a cupcake for snack for the express purpose of recreating his requisite first birthday cake eating pics in better light.

Hope Love Cure - Heat Walk 2009

The Heart Walk was an amazing success for Team Ryan! Thanks to our amazing family and friends, we raised $550 to support local CHD research. Our team of walkers is shown in the bottom right hand corner and includes our family, Grandma, Aunt Ashlie, Uncle Anthony, Lilly and let's not forget Dexter. The weather was great, Kyle was so disappointed that he had to leave early with Grandma for a baseball game, but he did come for the pre-walk activities. Jason and I wanted our donors to get their money's worth, so we took the long route (4 miles) with Grant and Ryan in tow. Grant did really well and walked for quite a bit. Ryan enjoyed people watching for awhile and then crashed. Every time I tried to recline his seat, he sat up and woke up, so that is why he looks so uncomfortable. I made the collage into cards on Winkflash to send to our donors. We are so grateful to:

Melanie and Tracy Miller, clients of Mom's
Wray and Jerrian Renfro, my sister's in-laws
Russ and Georgena Hayes, Jason's Aunt and Uncle
Rich and Marla Byrne, former client and friend
Toni and Bob Spradling, clients of Mom's
Grandma and Pop
Regina Ward, preschool teacher extraordinaire
Karen McDonald, my best friend from college and new mom herself
Lisa Chism, preschool mom (also of 3 boys)
Susan Guicheteau, my manager from Shaw and longtime friend
Jon Stratamn, Jason's cousin
Donna Pierce, my aunt
Stacie Hopkins, my cousin
Renee Cumpton, my cousin
Aunt Ashlie and Uncle Anthony

This is a picture of Ryan (and Grant) with his new heart friend, Natalie. Natalie was also born with TGA and had her surgery on June 24th of last year, just one day after Ryan. They were in the PICU at the exact same time, directly across the hall from each other in fact and it was so good to meet her and her family and see how well she was doing. Her parents and big sister were super cool and could not have been nicer. I noticed them with shirts that had "Natalie, TGA w/ VSDs" embroidered on the back and when I saw the baby hanging onto the stroller that looked to be around 1, I knew immediately that they were the family I remember seeing that week in the PICU. They always looked so worried, I never said anything to them at the time, but I knew somehow that Natalie was dealing with TGA as well and I always wondered how she was doing and how things turned out for them. I didn't say anything to them last year because a)I didn't know what to say b)I knew that there wasn't anything to say really and c)what with the pumping and waiting for rounds and walking to the cafeteria and pumping and pumping and pumping, none of us had much time to chat but I am so thankful said something this year. I think we could have talked for hours if we had had the chance, but unfortunately things were wrapping up, we did find some shade and Jenna and Grant enjoyed some time on the big inflatable slide with no lines and we were able to exchange info and I can now follow her story on CarePages. Meeting them was a very special end to a very special day.

Special Edition Heart Walk Not Me's: We did not let our 3 year old pee in Brush Creek during the walk using the excuse that it was full of duck poop anyways. Had we have done this, we wouldn't have used the big stroller as cover. We also did not eat at McDonald's after the Heart Walk since we listened so closely to all of the healthy living tips so closely.